What Defines a True Artist?

For a long time, I've considered myself an artist, and I can usually pick out other artistic people. Now, just the other day I mentioned to someone that I am somewhat of an artist, and the person asked me what sort of art I specialize in. In a flash, I realized that I am not at all talented at making art. I play piano, but not very well. I can draw if I really put my mind too it, but it only looks very basic and I can't draw people. I cannot paint, and I don't play any other instruments either. I don't even do any sort of architecture or landscaping. My usual arts forms are poetry and photography, and even at that I have limited skills. These realizations surprised me a bit, because I consider myself an artist, and yet artists generally are good at making art. How then do I consider myself an artist to the core of my being? The apparent incongruency caught my interest. What's more, I know people much more skilled at art who I do not consider true artists. What, then, defines an artist? I contemplated the matter for a while, and decided that really, there are four things that make an artist an artist.

First of all, an artist has perspective.
Of course everyone has perspective, but the artist has perspective in two important ways. The artist sees a vision that most others don't see. Everyone looks at the same situation, yet the artist sees something in it that the others just simply do not see. This sets the artist apart, but not by choice. Also, the artists sees vivid actualities in life. It is comic, or it is tragic. It is exhilarating, or crushing. It is beautiful, or hideous. The artist sees that everything has a story, and he wonders what that story is. This unique and riveting viewpoint is the inspiration for art.

Latte Perspective

Secondly, an artist desires that others would see it too
The artist who sees all this is moved by it, and wants to share the experience with others. As I said, the artist is set apart from the group, but not by choice. The visionary would much rather that everyone sees what he sees! Like children playing "I spy", or the Christmas Carol "Do You See What I See?," the artist experiences something amazing, and just wants others to experience it too.

The artist must develop an artform
Now of course, any person who tried to share a vision will often come across the frustration of others just not getting it. You look out the window and catch a glance of a beautiful, majestic, and electrifying sunset. It takes you almost by surprise, and it sweeps you off your feet so that you excitedly call over your friend to see. But they look at it, and see nothing special. "The sun sets every day. So what? It's overrated." Then they turn and go back to what they were doing. That person has seen the sight, but not the vision. The colors were plain to them, but not the beauty or power of the scene.

This is the third part of being an artist: experiencing the frustration of have a vision and wanting to share it, but not being able to share that vision. That frustration is so ongoing and powerful that it motivated artists to spend hours upon hours, for years, developing a set of skills to be able to show others the vision. Some show visually by painting, drawing, or photography. By coloring and size and focus they show you what they see. Some compose moving music which expresses happiness, rapt, fear, heartbreak, or denouement. Others refine their skills at painting word pictures. C.S. Lewis and Chesterton both were very good at word pictures. Even if you do not agree with their conclusion, you feel that you have seen what they see in it. What is art, then? Art is a reflection, expression, or representation of something breathtaking. (For even tragedy can have a haunting beauty to it) Art is the means by which we communication these visions.

Finally, the artist cares more for beauty itself than for the appreciation of it.
Beauty should exist just for the sake of existing. It is better that a castle stand tall and beautiful where no one ever sees it than for it not to exist at all. This often comes across in the person's work. Who would put an extra two hours into details of a final masterpiece that no one will ever notice? Only the artist. Only the artist cares that much for the piece of work. I have often put in thought and time and hours making things awesome, knowing that no one will ever notice or appreciate it. A friend notices this, and asked if I was a perfectionist, but I am not at all.

Upon reflection, I realized that from an outsiders point of view, artists who spend those extra hours refining the work seem amazingly similar to perfectionist who spend extra hours making whatever it is perfect. But the motivation is completely different. A perfectionist is almost the opposite of an artist. Let me explain. The perfectionist is driven by dislike of what he sees. The writing is not perfect. He sees that. He does not like that. The force behind all his action is the feeling of dislike. On the other hand, the artist is driven by the vision he is trying to represent. Looking at a piece of rock, he sees the potential for a "David." He likes that vision, and is driving to make the real life rock more like the vision he sees in his mind. The artist is driving by liking what he sees. One can see at once the difference between these two mindsets!

Many times, a true artist will not create art for any particular reason, use, or purpose. It's just enjoyable for him. My brother, Silas, he makes music because it's beautiful and fun. He enjoys it. Beauty for the sake of beauty. So what if it's not profitable or popular? Those details matter not to the one who loves art for itself. Art may not help us survive in the world. It may not always have survival value. It's deeper than that, actually. Beauty and art is what gives value to survival! Beauty does not primarily help us to live. Beauty primarily gives us a reason to live. The artist sees this.

Beauty just for the beauty of it

So, my conclusion is that many people make art, not all are truly artists. Bunches of people just make art for the money, or for other advantages that come with it. A person who is at heart an artist has vision, loves beauty for being itself, and desires to share the beauty they see with other people.

Two Brothers (Civil War)

This one song has been going around in my head today. The first time I heard this song, I absolutely loved it. I was at Disneyland for New Years, and I saw the "Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln" show, which included most of this song. While Lincoln was for the civil war, obviously, and the show seemed to back that very strongly, it also very heartfelt and touched on the tragedy of war... especially civil war. Lincoln constantly mentioned God, and the reason he fought was so that people could have liberty. Yet also remember Robert E Lee, who was a strong christian as well, yet fought for the south. In the end, perhaps the USA has less liberty because the government ended up with more power. Yet the South, who wanted liberty from government was unwilling to give liberty to those they "owned." This particular song is about two brothers who, having different political beliefs, joined opposite armies. As brothers, they must have had great affection for each other, and yet they fought for something they valued more than life itself: their ideals. It's really quite heartbreaking that both, so sincere, would be in a position where they would have to be mortal enemies that way.

Why was it on my mind? Well, besides being a beautifully haunting song, I was thinking about a similar topic. Last night I was talking to a friend of mine. A friend who I respect very much, and who I have a lot in common with. Very few people are as passionate about truth as I am. He is one of them. We both love truth, even hard truth, and are willing to stand for what we believe against all opposition. Both of us are also very sincere, wholehearted, and sensitive to what people say to us. It's hurtful when a fellow christian says that you propagate heresy, that you pervert the gospel, or that you are making god in your own image. I could recite hundreds of sincere but harsh things christians say to those they sincerely disagree with about really big issues. We are not called to be divisive, and it's sad when even non-divisive people are harsh with their words. But even beyond that, when we are all loving each other and getting along, it's still sad. One person pours their life into supporting and teaching one ideal, and their brother pours their life into teaching against those teachings. I mentioned that me and my friend have a lot in common. We both love Christ with all our hearts. The difference between us? He is as sincerely for calvinism as I am against it. Siblings in Christ, and yet we stand for different ideals. It all reminded me of this song, and so all today today it's been going around in my head. All day, I would be doing stuff like putting stickers on envelops, and in my head, I'd be remembering cannonballs and kindness.

Here's the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgGcwBH6kFw
Another version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4LI5y2QxSk

Two Brothers:
Two brothers on their way
Two brothers on their way
Two brothers on their way
One wore blue and one wore grey

One wore blue and one wore grey
As they marched along their way
The fife and drum began to play
All on a beautiful morning

One was gentle, one was kind
One was gentle, one was kind
One came home, one stayed behind
A cannonball don't pay no mind

A cannonball don't pay no mind
If you're gentle or if you're kind
It don't think of the folks behind
All on a beautiful morning

Two girls waitin' by the railroad track
Two girls waitin' by the railroad track
For their darlin's to come back
One wore blue and one wore black

One wore blue and one wore black
Waiting by the railroad track
For their darlin's to come back
All on a beautiful morning

All on a beautiful morning...

One Fake Gun and Five Real Cops

Wow! What an adventure! And what a crazy set of circumstances let to this!

A Walk In The Park
It all started earlier today when I looked out the window and realized that I was tired of being indoors. Thinking back over the week, I realized that although I'd done many fun and awesome things, none of them involved actually being outside. Taking into account the fact that I had to be somewhere at seven, I tried to think up some nice afternoon activity and eventually decided that hiking would be perfect. So me and my boyfriend headed off at about five to go hiking in Oyster Bay. It was very nice and pleasant, and the area was beautiful: The park overlooks the water in several directions, and you can see the planes land at the Oakland airport. After arriving at the place, parking the car, and seeing how long we could balance on railroad tracks, the two of us walked into the park. It was very enjoyable to be strolling along, taking in the beautiful landscape, and chatting about all sorts of interesting topics. We also discovered that it's a great place to play hide and seek, especially when it's approaching sunset.

And Then Unexpectedly...
As we started walking back to my car, the only worry on my mind was that I hoped that I wouldn't be late to the girl's movie night. That thought immediately vanished from my mind as soon as I saw the street, and noticed two quite unsettling facts. First, I observed that I could see not one, but two police cars. Second, I noticed that I did not see my own car anywhere! I started going over in my mind what possibly could be going on...
Did I park in an illegal spot?
Did they tow my car?
Why would the police be involved in that?
Were we at the park too late?
Why would that have anything to do with my car?
All this raced through my mind, but the obvious thing to do was to quickly leave the park, check on my car, and if confronted by the cops, ask what was going on. The lights of one of the police cars facing the park entrance glared brightly into our eyes, so that we could not see much in that direction until we had actually gotten out of the park. At the point, I was very relieved to see that my car was, in fact, still there. It had just been blocked from my sight by a police car parked right next to it. I never got a chance to ask the policemen any of my questions, though, because as soon as we stepped foot onto the sidewalk, a tall and very serious-looking cop asked me "Is that your car?"

I said "Yes." and He repeated "That's your car?" So I clarified "Yes. It's a '95 Saturn. Two door coup." Without hesitation he told us both to put our hands on the fence posts. To turn around immediately and put our hands against the fence! Of course I did what he said. The first thing that came into my head was that one time a friend of mine reflexively pulled her arm away from a cop, which resulted in her getting tackled, pepper-sprayed, pretty much beaten up by more than one cop, and charged with resisting arrest. That wasn't how I wanted my night to end! The policeman frisked both of us and asked "Do you have any weapons or illegal substances on you that you want to tell us about?" I replied "No sir." I know that cops deal with a high percent of criminals, and until they know that you are not going to harm them, they must assume that you can and might. It's not that it's guilty until proven innocent, it's just that you are considered armed and dangerous unless proven otherwise. I didn't want them to feel threatened and so I cooperated as much as I could.

How I Deal With Police:
Now, I don't get much opportunity to deal with police. This is mainly because, obviously, I'm not usually breaking the law. But I do respect police as authority figures, and care for them as people, and so I am very intentional in my dealings with cops. I think that in general, they are awesome people who protect us, and they deserve our respect and cooperation. I try to give clear and concise answers, because that's what everyone ultimately wants. They don't want to chit chat, they just want to make sure they know what's going on and that everything is good. I don't really want to slow things down either. Also, I act respectfully because I care about them as people, and because I want to reflect Christ well. I don't want the police to walk away and complain about some slouchy, disrespectful, and hard-to-deal-with citizen. I'd rather follow the ideas that Christ put forward about being at peace with all men, and going the extra mile for demanding soldiers. My goal is that policemen, or any people, walk away from an interaction with a christian wishing that all people were like that. So I try to show respect for policeman, make things go smoothly, and be as concise and information as I can be. That's my ethic.

Serious Interrogation
My friend, clearly unused to the whole being-detained-by-cops situation, answered the question about illegal substances by saying "I don't think so." The cop seemed to find that highly suspicious and repeated "You don't THINK so?" Naturally, they found that we didn't have anything dangerous or illegal, and so we turned to face them. Immediately the cop demanded "Why is there a gun in the back seat of your car?" Right then it struck me as funny... That's what this was all about?? The broken airsoft gun in the back of my car with the missing tip? But I bit my lip to keep from chuckling, and answered very seriously that it was my brother's airsoft gun, which no longer had it's red tip, and that it didn't even work anymore.

The "gun" in question

As I spoke, more police cars pulled up, so that there were four police cars at the time. The officer asked for the keys to my car, so that he could check out the gun, and I pulled my keyring out of my pocket, grabbed the correct key, and handed it to him.

Time went on as they asked us a whole slew of questions. What were we doing in the park? What was our relationship to each other? Did we see anyone else? Did we hear any sort of disturbance? Were we playing any pranks? What were our names? Could they see our IDs? (Mine was in the car, in my purse, and so they went again to find that) Those the questions were somewhat mundane, I was not for an instant bored! My heart was racing, and my mind working overtime to take in this rather new and startling situation. What was this really all about? From what I picked up from listening to the conversation of some of the other cops, it seems that it was a kidnapping case, involving a crazy white male wearing red and a missing person who was blond. Both of whom were reportedly last seen at Oyster Bay. Pretty big deal then, and the cops get there get there and find one car. With a gun in it. Pretty suspicious. Now, most of the questions they asked were pretty simple and I could respond with answers such as "Yes, sir." "No, sir." or "We were taking a walk." But there a few of them that rather tripped me up.

"Why do you have an airsoft gun in your car?"
Well, I didn't really have a good reason. It was laying about in my room, I'd been watching spy shows, and I was going somewhere, so I decided to take it with me. Later, I referred to it as "my airsoft gun" which prompted the immediate reaction
"Your gun? You said previously that it was your brother's gun!"
Oh dear. I tried to explain that I have eight brothers, and so even if something belongs to one person in particular, mainly we just called things according to who has possession of it.
"What is the address of your workplace?"
It was right then that I realized: I didn't know the address. I just know how to get there! Only one question stumped Josh.
"What is your home phone number?"
Confidently, he stated the truth: "I don't know." Needless to say, the cop then gives him an incredulous look and responds "You don't know your own phone number??"

Thank you, that is all
Still another police car joined the scene. In the end though, despite the lack of knowledge about phone numbers, changing stories about the gun, and suspicious location, the officers could see that we were really no threat at all. The consensus seemed to be that we simply had a bad case of "Wrong place, Wrong time." That and the added factor of the dumb mistake of leaving an illegal airsoft gun in plain sight in the back of the car. At one point, an officer mentioned that it was definitely a very bad idea to have it sitting there in the back of my car. He continued and explained that if a cop pulled me over for something normal and saw that gun, I would very quickly find myself with a gun pointed at me. Finally we were informed that after they checked to make sure that we weren't wanted in any of the fifty states, we would be free to go. Did I feel relieved? Well, to be honest, I had never felt in any danger all along, and the whole situation had certainly been pretty exciting! Nevertheless, I was happy to be in possession of my car keys again.

Apparently there aren't any warrants out for my arrest, and thus the police let us leave and everything was good. I did not, however, get the gun back. Oh well. It was broken anyway. That gun. While the whole situation made perfect sense, I must admit that when I set that gun down in my car, it never crossed my mind that it would ever be such a big deal. Thinking back, I wonder how long the whole incident lasted? I really can't say. I seriously wasn't even keeping track of that. Now of course I was quite late for the seven-o-clock meeting, but it was alright; I had an epic tale to share with them!

Favorite Things

Well, it's that time of year again. It's not quite the Christmas season, per se, but it certainly is holiday season! It's almost Thanksgiving, and then after that, before you know it Christmas will be here! Christmas is quite stressful for many people, but for me personally, I just love the feeling of Christmas. I don't know if I can exactly describe the "Christmasy feeling," but it's a happy warm feeling that goes along with Winter Wonderland songs, freshly baked gingerbread, eating apple pie with friends around a warm fireplace while it's cold outside, hot chocolate, and the smell of pumpkin pie in the oven. So good. It all feel cozy, and happy, and safe, and makes the world seem like not such a bad place after all!

On Thanksgiving, I like to take some time to write down a list of things I am grateful for: things that especially apply to that year in particular. On Christmas, I'm just in the mood to enjoy everything more for no good reason. So anyway, today I've decided to take some time and just make a random list of everything that I really like. Not just things, but also ideas, or activities, or people. I find that I enjoy everything more if I keep track of what I'm enjoying, and I enjoy a lot of things! I tell you, I probably enjoy more things than most people do! But perhaps I don't. You could make a longer list and disprove me. I'd like to read that list, actually. ;)

Cozy

Things I like:

Skipping

Cute necklaces

Disneyland

Dancing

Boots

Playing paintball

Winning games

Making Gingerbread houses

Surprising people

Really smart cars (like go-carts)

Warm coats on cold nights

Sliding on ice

Pithy sayings

Creamy, rich hot chocolate

Awesome hats

Good come-backs

The intelligence, skill, style, and wit of spies

Arch rivals

Russian Coffee Chocolate

Being outside while it's snowing

Getting into a snowball fight

Roasting marshmallows over a fire

The smell of cookies baking in the oven

River rafting

Carmel apples

The sound of rain as it hits the roof

Splashing in puddles

Making music

Snowglobes

Beaches

The Jungle Cruise

Popping Bubble wrap

Getting a package in the mail

A gorgeous sunset

Hitting the "Snooze" button a whole bunch of times

Comfy chairs, especially rocking chairs

Mood rings

Dressing up

Deep sparkly blue

Cute and cuddly stuffed animals

Pets

Reading a good book

Listening to a favorite song on repeat 'til I get tired of it

Whacking weeds with a golf club

Painting of underwater scenes

Getting up early to go somewhere special

Thinking of the perfect analogy

Funny mistakes

Driving fast late at night

Almost tripping, but catching myself before I fall

Biking down a hill

Making a new world record

Providing comic relief

Poking people

Writing letters

Picking fresh berries and eating them

Secrets

Naming places

Buying new clothes

Looking at a window, when it's dark outside, and seeing a reflection

Symbol (like the Black Butterfly!)

Brownies

Annoying a good-natured person

Getting lost

Throwing mud

Wind-up music boxes

Remembering that you remembered

Making up "Old chinese proverb"s

Singing favorite hymns

Getting out of a cold pool and into a hot tub

Reading the end of a mystery

Confrontation (A Poem)

Sometimes you'll feel hurt
And perhaps angry too -
But before you confront them
Here's what you should do -

First check your own heart once
Or better yet, twice -
Make sure there's no malice
Mixed with your advice -

You need to forgive
Yes, before you go talk -
Or your heart will be hateful
And hard as a rock -

Then try to be humble
Before you condemn -
You could be the problem
It might not be them -

Don't go by opinion
But go by what's true -
You think that you're right
That's what they think too!

So go read the Bible
Which is Wisdom's book -
Do you know what it says?
Let's go take a look -

If the Scriptures say they are wrong
You know it's right -
But then hold your horses
And don't start a fight -

You are not enemies, though that's
How it may seem -
You're together in Christ
And that makes you a team -
_____________________________
Now it will be hard,
And it won't be much fun -
But pull them aside and
Talk one on one -

Be firm when you tell them
The truth that you see -
Also be quick to listen to
Their humble plea -

Perhaps things were not
All that they seemed to be -
The other perspective
Might just be the key -

Never say "Silence!
I Kill You!" no no -
Hold love in your heart
They're your friend, not your foe -

Now if they read the Bible
Quite different than you -
Respect their belief
It's the kind thing to do -

They are not rebelling
Against the Most High -
Their thoughts are sincere,
And they don't mean to lie -

Don't call them stupid
Stubborn or dumb -
Why not just be nice?
And give them some gum?

Bless your opponent
Yes, bless and don't curse -
See, odds are in favor
Of you being worse!
____________________________
But if they won't listen,
And show you the door -
Go out and bring witnesses,
Two or three more -

At this point, if they still
Refuse to agree -
Then bring the church elders
For them to go see -

However, if they start to see
All their wrongs -
Do not dance a jig
Singing victory songs -

No, do not just blame them
And harp on their flaws -
But show them the way
To obey all God's laws -

If you look for virtue,
Then virtue you'll find -
Train them in righteousness
Gently and kind -

Show patience and tough love
For all their mistakes -
You might be surprised
At the difference it makes -
____________________________
Your sins are paid for
Your eternity set -
But loving each other
Is still our good debt -

Forgive those who sin
And forgiveness you'll get -
And always remember
Or else you'll forget!

Hitting on the person you like: Sweet VS Stalker

There are many ways to hit on people, some are sweet, and some are just creepy. Me and my sister sat down for a while and made a list. It's rather amusing, and gives good tips to newer stalkers... Are the people you love not creeped out by you? We can remedy that!

Stalker!

Sweet: Buy them a christmas gift
STALKERISH: Buy them 364 gifts for christmas (as goes along with the 12 days of christmas song)

Hug them
Squeeze them until they can't breathe, while remarking that you never want to let go

Share your jelly beans
Send a 20 pd box of jelly beans to their house

Post a picture of you with them on facebook
Make a fansite dedicated to them (complete with hundreds of pictures of them, as well as public lists of all their favorite music)

Drive them home
Watch them while their sleeping in their home

Ask for their number politely
Repeatedly ask "Can I have your number? Can I have it? Can I? Can I have it?" while following them around

Say "You're cute"
Engrave "I WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER" on their doorstep

Sneak up behind them, put your hands over their eyes, and say "guess who"
Kidnap them, tie them up, blindfold them, and then say "guess who!"

Helping them with their homework
Breaking into their house at night to do their homework so that they'll be pleasantly surprised when they awake

Dedicate a song to them
Dedicate "One way or another" to them

Have a picture of them
Make a life-size statue of them

Buy them a cute shirt
Buy them a closet full of designer clothes

Watch a romance with them
Watch Twilight with them

Give them a cute licence plate frame
Install a GPS tracker on their car without their knowledge

Buy them an extra ticket so they can join you at a ball game
Buy tickets to all the ball games they are already planning on going to (that they don't know you know about)

Be friendly to their family
Bribe their younger siblings for secret information about them

Offer to do them a favor
Do the favor without telling them (example: doing their laundry... "I didn't know you wore a size 10!!!")

Give them a camera
Set up security cameras around their house

Text them about your day
Email them all your deepest, darkest secrets and stories

Be there for them when they need you
Be there for them ALL the time. Literally. All the time.


Any questions?

________________________________________

Anatomy of an Apology

We've all done wrong, and we've made mistakes. In short, we've all hurt one another and need to apologize on occasion. Because of this, it's a good thing to know how to apologize. Now, as we all know and have experienced, there are good apologies, and there are bad apologies. In fact, the bad apologies, when recognized, are generally not considered true apologies at all. There are many benefits to offering a bad apology. For example, you can get rid of guilt without actually repenting. You can spike the guns of your opponent by claiming that you've already apologized, and therefore it would be unreasonable of them to keep complaining about it! And all of this without any damage to your pride. So, if you wanted to apologize sincerely, how would you go about it? On the other hand, what if you want to apologize in such as way as to not admit any guilt, what are the best techniques to use? I will tell you!
















I have narrowed down the subject to seven key parts of an apology, and I'll go over them point by point, starting with the good way to apologize.
__________________________________________________________________
Step One:
Be sincere
This is pretty simple. Just actually be sorry!

Step One, the bad way:
Be grudging about it, annoyed, or even sarcastic.
That way, no matter what words you use, they will know know that you aren't genuinely sorry.
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Step Two:
Take personal responsible for your actions
It may not always be good to be ego-centric, but in this context it's important. Start the sentence with "I" and not "you." Say "I was unloving" rather than "you made me mad." Taking personal responsibility implies that you could have acted otherwise, but didn't. You are responsible for the action.

Step Two, the bad way:
Blame external forces. Or better yet, blame the person you are apologizing to!
Make it obvious that you really had no choice. You could not possibly have acted other than the way you did. It was all because you were stressed from work, which you couldn't possibly control. It was all because they pushed your buttons.
__________________________________________________________________
Step Three:
Acknowledge that what you did was wrong
Yes, admit that it was actually and objectively wrong. It was actually a sin.

Step Three, the bad way:
Do not acknowledge that there was anything really wrong about it
Maybe it was wrong, and maybe it wasn't. And if it was wrong, it was only a little bit wrong: not a big deal. It probably wasn't really wrong, and if it was, it didn't really count cus it was only barely wrong. More like a grey area. Or something.
__________________________________________________________________
Step Four:
Acknowledge the other person's pain
Say something like "I know that what I did really hurt you."

Step Four, the bad way:
Make them seem over-sensitive
Imply or suggest that what you did or said wasn't really hurtful, and if they felt hurt by it, it's only because they are irrational, easily hurt, or just overly sensitive to things. In other words, if you must admit that they felt pain, blame it on them.
__________________________________________________________________
Step Five: (Optional)
Explain the situation
Once again, this is optional, it's sometimes not the best thing to do, but sometimes clarity does help.

Step Five, the bad way:
Justify extensively
Go on and on about what you choose and why, why it made sense, why there really wasn't any other good options, how you felt badly about what they did to start the situation, etc. Oh, and if they complain, excuse yourself by saying that you are "just trying to explain."
__________________________________________________________________
Step Six:
Say that you are sorry
That's right, use the word "sorry." Say something like "I'm sorry," "I'm truly sorry," or "I'm sorry and I will do my best, by God's grace, not to ever do that again."

Step Six, the bad way:
Don't use the "sorry" word. But if you absolutely have to, add an "if" or "but" clause at the end.
You know what I mean... "I'm sorry if what I did was somehow offensive to you in some way." "I'm sorry for saying what I did, but you really shouldn't do awful stuff like that which makes anyone feel like reacting that way." Just make something else to fit the situation! As long as you use the words "if" or "but," the sorry part will count as being said, but won't count toward meaning anything.
__________________________________________________________________
Step Seven:
Ask for forgiveness, with the attitude that you don't deserve it
Asking for something is a request, not a demand. Ask for forgiveness and reconciliation in a humble attitude of contrition.

Step Seven, the bad way:
Act like they should have gotten over it already
They should have forgiven you already. It's their moral duty. It was overreacting to hurt about it to begin with, and so it would be just simply ridiculous if they were still holding on to some sort of grudge about the issue which, for the record, you've already apologized about. Make it an implied demand.
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