The Curse of Contentment

As people start into Lent, one general topic that comes up is contentment. Oftentimes, when people talk about contentment, they are referring to a lack of desire for more. That's the type of contentment I am writing about today, and in specific, I am writing about a lack of desire for spiritual things.

When any of us accepts Christ as Savior, we reject the old religion of the world:  Put on your best behavior, and be good enough in order to earn approval and affection. We reject this religion in favor of the truth that we are NOT good enough, but we are deeply and truly loved by God - and we would be wise to ask for help so that our future doesn't have to be so terrible (sin and sad consequences).

If someone comes to your turf, walks up to you, and criticizes you, what is your (current) natural reaction:  Is it to feel hurt that someone so close to you is misunderstanding you; do you go on to justify yourself and disprove them?  Or is it excitement at the possibility of being able to receive more spiritual blessings from God?

The first reaction can be called defensive (I'm fine where I'm at), while the second reaction can be called upgrade-oriented (Want).

After we become Christians, I think that probably all of us go through a stage in our life where we fall back into the mental voice:  Put on your best behavior, be good enough in order to earn approval and affection. We try our best, and then we are content with where we are at. We are fine. We can't complain. We are doing better than we deserve. We are tired. It doesn't feel like abundant living because it *isn't* abundant living, and we are content to stay here. This is "good enough" and if anyone is judgmental enough to try to point out our flaws, we feel that we have every right to get upset. They are walking about looking for flaws to critique. What jerks!  We commend ourselves on our patience and good temper if we can defend ourselves to these people without losing our temper at their presumption.

But as long as we remain in this stage, we are the Laodicean church. While Jesus stands outside and knocks, we ignore the door and talk about how we are perfectly content where we are. While He counsels us to buy from Him gold refined in the fire, that we may be rich, we continue to respond: "I am rich, I have become wealthy, and I have need of nothing."  

While we are thinking, "Why is this person ripping on me?" Jesus is telling us: "As many as I love (desire to benefit), I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent (accept upgrades)."

Accepting Upgrades: Growth is *accepting* (not building) something from God.  The reason we are being confronted is not that we just need to try even harder and spread ourselves even thinner to get any appreciation, but rather that we are suffering from the lack of spiritual blessings that God is offering to us (and we are busy telling him that we are good enough).

And what is the alternative to being fine where we're at?

Jabez
"And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested."  (1 Chronicles 4:10)


Jacob
"Then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of day. Now when He saw that He did not prevail against him, He touched the socket of his hip; and the socket of Jacob’s hip was out of joint as He wrestled with him. And He said, 'Let Me go, for the day breaks.'
But he said, 'I will not let You go unless You bless me!'

...Then Jacob asked, saying, 'Tell me Your name, I pray.'
And He said, 'Why is it that you ask about My name?' And He blessed him there."   (Genesis 32)  [Extra note: Jesus Christ, Immanuel, that is the name of God. The Israelites were the first ones to meet God by name in person.]


Elisha
"And so it was, when they had crossed over, that Elijah said to Elisha, 'Ask! What may I do for you, before I am taken away from you?' Elisha said, 'Please let a double portion of your spirit be upon me.'

So he said, 'You have asked a hard thing. Nevertheless, if you see me when I am taken from you, it shall be so for you; but if not, it shall not be so.' Then it happened, as they continued on and talked, that suddenly a chariot of fire appeared with horses of fire, and separated the two of them; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven. And Elisha saw it..."    (2 Kings 2 )

What do you desire?  For me, I want God. I really really want God. I want upgrades and spiritual blessings. I know that I am loved (and therefore I don't need to be good enough). I do not focus on "good enough" and "bad," but rather "less awesome" and "more awesome." I always want to be more awesome. Therefore, I beg God for more understanding than I have now (He also uses people in this process to confront me or prove me wrong), and every time I hear of a possible flaw (which tips me off to a possible upgrade that I might now be able to access) I am happy and curious to know more details. I enjoy where I'm at in my journey, but I am never content to stay - I want MORE Jesus.

I think that God gives grace to the humble because they are the only ones who truly desire it. The proud would never acknowledge that they are spiritually poor, and therefore do not desire help.  Now, God is not stingy - He has an infinite amount of the stuff, and if you aren't using it, then that extra capacity is just going to waste.  Therefore God encourages us to ask him for things (Mt 5) and delights to give it to us when we ask.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.  - James 1:5

Dream big. Abraham dreamed of being a father of nations, since that's what his name was all about. But that dream died after he reached old age without children. In the end, though, God's plan for him was for him to be a father of nations - God was the one to plant that desire.

Desire. Ask God for more. Don't turn away potential upgrades when they are offered (in the form of painful feedback from reality, most often).

How do you know whether you desperately need more truth and a deeper relationship with Christ?  If you have a pulse, you do.  It's not a one-time transaction where you accept Christ into your life and then all your needs are met. It's an ongoing relationship - we are like a stream of water. Unless we want to become become a stagnant algae-filled swamp, we must *always* be getting more and more from God (water flowing in) and passing along to others what we ourselves have received (water flowing out).

So, people who are "fine," you need more Jesus. And, people who are very mature (maturing) and have a deep and close relationship with Christ, you need more Jesus.  It's awesome, because He wants us to want Him enough to wrestle with Him - He desires to give good things to those who would enjoy them.

Grace and Enabling

(Are you making the problem better or worse?)

Grace is a huge concept in the Bible, but I think that most people don't take  a lot of time to dive into that topic and studying the Bible to see what grace is.

“Make me understand the way of Your precepts; So shall I meditate on Your wonderful works.” Psalm 119:27

Growing up with the AWANA program, I learned a definition of grace as follows:  “A free gift that you don't deserve.” That's one basic tenant of grace that Christians generally agree upon:  Grace is unmerited – if it was merited (deserved), it would no longer be grace.  Some people will say that grace also means favor: God's grace is when God shows you favor.  But none of those definitions go deeper than that, which leaves unanswered questions, such as:  When God decides to give us favor and send us something undeserved and unmerited, what does He send us?  What IS this unmerited grace that God gives us when He shows favor?

Some people give the answer that anything God gives us that we do not deserve is grace. Like, when He sends rain and sunshine to everyone on earth, that's undeserved and therefore a form of grace. However, this answer doesn't stand up because Biblically, both blessings and grace are undeserved, and yet they are not used synonymously. The word “blessing” is used for many things, mainly extras – like, you are already doing okay, and then God gives you an extra blessing that you can praise and thank Him for.  God blesses people with children, for instance. The “grace,” on the other hand, is only used in situations where we need help and God is helping to fix that situation for us. When Noah received grace from God, it saved him from dying in a flood. When we are saved by grace, we are rescued from the sin and death we were wallowing in. In the christian life, we are told to come boldly before God's throne to find grace *in time of need.*  Blessings are unmerited extras, while grace is unmerited help/rescue.

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

So, when help/grace is offered, there is still a choice: God allows us to accept or reject that grace. We can receive grace in vain when we are living under grace, as Christians, yet do not accept that help – Usually because God wants to help us become sanctified and Christ-like while we are still clinging to our familiar sins and being too scared to take up our cross and follow.

"We then, as workers together with Him also plead with you not to receive the grace of God in vain." 2 Corinthians 6:1

Who benefits from grace?  Well, who benefits from free help?  Those who WANT help. In other words, only those who have humility and realize that there is a problem will even want to be rescued or helped.

"But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."  James 4:6

When the Bible says that God gives grace to the humble, it doesn't mean that God is somehow playing favorites. Rather, it means that He offers grace to those who *desire* grace.

In the Lord's prayer, He instructs us to ask God not to lead us into temptation. In this prayer, we are asking God to make right choices easier for us. We are asking for His help in keeping us on the straight and narrow.

Now, with this understanding of grace (unmerited help), we can start to make sense of the various passages of the Scripture that tell us to be gracious and to give grace to other people. What does it mean to offer grace to others?

"Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Ephesians 4:29

Here, we are instructed to speak in a way that gives grace to those who hear; our speech should make it easier for others to received the edification that they need. In short, grace is opposite of temptation. Temptation makes it easier for a person to make a bad choice, while grace helps make it easier for a person to make a right choice.  All of our speech is to be gracious, and the Bible tells us to speak about doctrine, encouragement, correction, and instruction in righteousness. You'll notice that “correction” (ie godly confrontation) is included there.  Accountability and confrontation provides grace because it makes it easier for us each to learn and grow – it makes it harder for us to make wrong choices. [See also: The story of The King and His Hawk]

I remember one friend I knew who was battling an addiction. After realizing that he couldn't fight it alone, he got involved in a (very helpful and kind) men's group. Each evening, his accountability buddy would call him – and would ask if he had had any temptations in that area or had sinned in that area. (If he said no, the follow-up question would be to ask if he was lying – which sounds harsh, but it's helpful because addicts struggle also with the temptation to cover up the situation.)  Now, just *knowing* that there would be someone to hold him accountable made it tremendously easier for him to say “no” to temptation again and again, while kicking his habit. Accountability absolutely is a form of grace that helps us when we need help. None of us can do this life alone.

Both grace and condemnation start with acknowledgment that there is a problem present.  The difference is that condemnation points a finger while grace lends a hand.

__________________________________________________

So that's grace. What is enabling?

“An enabler is someone who—despite knowing that a behavior is destructive or harmful—allows a loved one to continue to do it. It is frequently used in the context of addiction.”

“No one wants their loved ones to do things that hurt themselves. However, by excusing behavior or looking the other way, you can enable an addict to continue abusing drugs or alcohol. Enablers allow substance abusers to continue using drugs without suffering the negative consequences of their actions.”

I found a good quiz online that goes like this: Are You an Enabler?

An enabler is a person who, acting out of a sincere sense of love, loyalty and concern, steps in to protect, cover up for, make excuses for and become more responsible for the chemically dependent person. This can prevent the addicted individual from a crisis that might bring about change, and thereby prolong his or her illness. To find out if you may be an enabler, answer the following questions:

1) Do you avoid potential problems by trying to keep the peace? Do you do whatever you can to avoid conflict because doing so will solve problems?

2) Are you in denial about your loved one being addicted? Do you think his or her drug or alcohol use is just a phase and isn't anything to be concerned about?

3) Do you have a hard time expressing your feelings? Do you keep all your emotions inside? 

4) Do you minimize the situation? Do you think the problem will get better later? 

5) Do you lecture, blame or criticize the chemically dependent person? 

6) Do you take over the responsibilities of the addicted person? Do you cover for and pick up his or her slack to minimize the negative consequences? Do you repeatedly come to the rescue — bailing him or her out of jail, out of financial problems or other tight spots? 

7) Do you try to protect your addicted loved one from pain? 

8) Do you treat him or her like a child? Do you enjoy taking care of your loved one and feel superior when you do? Do you still financially support him or her, even though he or she is an adult?

9) Do you try to control the dependent person?

10) Are you good at just enduring? Do you often think, this too shall pass?

11) Do you believe in waiting? That God will take care of this?

12) Do you give him or her one more chance, then another and yet another?

13) Do you join him or her in the dangerous behavior, even when you know he or she has a problem? 

If you answered yes to even one of these questions, you may have enabling behaviors, which could be [increasing the power of addiction in the life of your loved one.]

In short, God has some grace built into the system: It's called hitting one's head up against reality. This lets you know that what you are doing isn't working and motivates change. Enablers protect the person struggling with sin – they don't protect from the sin, but rather protect from the consequences of sin. They make sure that the addict/sinner never hits their head up against reality, and therefore never has motivation to change.

Why am I comparing and contrasting grace and enabling?  Well, to start with, they are exact opposites. Grace helps people to make good decisions, while enabling makes it easier for them to make sinful choices. But furthermore, people get these two concepts confused. Those who want to show grace want to avoid stumbling people, and a few believe that enabling is the only way to avoid stumbling people. They reason that if you do something and it makes another person upset, you have stumbled that person. They preach that we should avoid potential problems by trying to keep the peace – we should avoid conflict (not because that will solve the underlying issue, but because it won't trigger their anger).

Is there truth to their viewpoint?

 “If a loved one is struggling with drug addiction, confronting your friend or family member about their addiction can be a challenging and emotional experience. At first, it may seem easier to deny that there is even a problem or to excuse your loved one’s behavior. These denials and excuses however, will only make the problem worse. Denying or excusing a loved one’s addiction enables them to continue using drugs, which hurts themselves and others.”

Ultimately, if a loved one is sinning, they need grace and not enabling.  It may seem like giving them grace (confrontation in some cases) will “stumble” them because it will arouse their anger.  Let me share an analogy:


A friend comes to visit a farmer on a rainy day. After being invited inside, he notices that there is a hole in the roof, and rain is dripping into the living room. “Why do you do something about that hole?” he asks his farmer friend. “Oh but it's raining right now,” the farmer replies, “I can't go on the roof because it's slippery.”  This is a good point, and so the friend drops the topic and enjoys the rest of the visit.

A week later, the friend visits again. It's a bright and sunny day, but when he goes inside, he notices that the hole is still present. “Why didn't you fix that hole in your roof?” he asks. “Well, it's not raining,” the farmer explains, “there's no need!”

Now the question of the story is this:  When would be the right time for the farmer to fix the roof?  Obviously, it would be when it's sunny outside and there is “no need” because the problem is not causing any symptoms (no leakage). Those who claim that triggering anger is stumbling a person mistakes the problem (heart problem) with the symptom (anger). They think that by avoiding the symptom and preventing consequences, then things are great – the hole in the roof (heart problem) isn't a problem as long it's not raining (symptoms), right?  Right guys?

The issue IS a heart issue, though, all sin is. If you are gracious and they get angry at you, that's a symptom of that underlying heart condition. To avoid confrontation and accountability (Biblical forms of grace) will irritate the symptom less, but it will enable the heart problem to get worse. If you go out of your way to protect someone from the symptoms of their issue (including anger), you are a textbook case of an enabler who prevents the sinning individual from a crisis that might bring about change, and thereby strengthens the power of sin in that person's life.

That's not grace. That's not offering help. That's not making a righteous choice easier. Rather, enabling makes wrong choices easier and offers to whitewash the world instead of washing the world. Chesterton wrote that one who is not truly loyal will “be less inclined to the reform of things; more inclined to a sort of front-bench official answer to all attacks, soothing every one with assurances. He will not wash the world, but whitewash the world.”

_____________________________________________________

Galatians 2:17
“But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is Christ therefore a minister of sin? Certainly not!”

In other words:

“Seeking Christ includes increasing the knowledge of our own sin – does this (increase in knowledge of sin) increase sin? Certainly not!”

Grace often increases knowledge of sin, but it does not increase sin itself. In fact, grace is the only way out of sin.


[CLICK to view full size!!!]

A Tale of Truth and Loyalty

The King and His Hawk

GENGHIS KHAN was a great king and warrior.

He led his army into China and Persia, and he conquered many lands. In every country, men told about his daring deeds; and they said that since Alexander the Great there had been no king like him.

One morning when he was home from the wars, he rode out into the woods to have a day's sport. Many of his friends were with him. They rode out gayly, carrying their bows and arrows. Behind them came the servants with the hounds.

It was a merry hunting party. The woods rang with their shouts and laughter. They expected to carry much game home in the evening.

On the king's wrist sat his favorite hawk; for in those days hawks were trained to hunt. At a word from their masters they would fly high up into the air, and look around for prey. If they chanced to see a deer or a rabbit, they would swoop down upon it swift as any arrow.

All day long Genghis Khan and his huntsmen rode through the woods. But they did not find as much game as they expected.

Toward evening they started for home. The king had often ridden through the woods, and he knew all the paths. So while the rest of the party took the nearest way, he went by a longer road through a valley between two mountains.

The day had been warm, and the king was very thirsty. His pet hawk had left his wrist and flown away. It would be sure to find its way home.

The king rode slowly along. He had once seen a spring of clear water near this pathway. If he could only find it now! But the hot days of summer had dried up all the mountain brooks.

At last, to his joy, he saw some water trickling down over the edge of a rock. He knew that there was a spring farther up. In the wet season, a swift stream of water always poured down here; but now it came only one drop at a time.

The king leaped from his horse. He took a little silver cup from his hunting bag. He held it so as to catch the slowly falling drops.

It took a long time to fill the cup; and the king was so thirsty that he could hardly wait. At last it was nearly full. He put the cup to his lips, and was about to drink.

All at once there was a whirring sound in the air, and the cup was knocked from his hands. The water was all spilled upon the ground.

The king looked up to see who had done this thing. It was his pet hawk. The hawk flew back and forth a few times, and then alighted among the rocks by the spring. The king picked up the cup, and again held it to catch the trickling drops.

This time he did not wait so long. When the cup was half full, he lifted it toward his mouth. But before it had touched his lips, the hawk swooped down again, and knocked it from his hands.

And now the king began to grow angry. He tried again; and for the third time the hawk kept him from drinking.

The king was now very angry indeed.

"How do you dare to act so?" he cried. "If I had you in my hands, I would wring your neck!"

Then he filled the cup again. But before he tried to drink, he drew his sword.

"Now, Sir Hawk," he said, "this is the last time."

He had hardly spoken, before the hawk swooped down and knocked the cup from his hand. But the king was looking for this. With a quick sweep of the sword he struck the bird as it passed.
The next moment the poor hawk lay bleeding and dying at its master's feet.

"That is what you get for your pains," said Genghis Khan.

But when he looked for his cup he found that it had fallen between two rocks, where he could not reach it.

"At any rate, I will have a drink from that spring," he said to himself.

With that he began to climb the steep bank to the place from which the water trickled. It was hard work, and the higher he climbed, the thirstier he became.

At last he reached the place. There indeed was a pool of water; but what was that lying in the pool, and almost filling it? It was a huge, dead snake of the most poisonous kind.

The king stopped. He forgot his thirst. He thought only of the poor dead bird lying on the ground below him.


"The hawk saved my life!" he cried; "and how did I repay him? He was my best friend, and I have killed him."

He clambered down the bank. He took the bird up gently, and laid it in his hunting bag. Then he mounted his horse and rode swiftly home. He said to himself,—

 "I have learned a sad lesson to-day; and that is, never to do anything in anger."

_____________________________________________

What I get out of the story is this:  Sometimes, being a loyal friend means being the hawk - Being the friend who is willing to try to communicate truth to a friend, in order to protect him, even when it means putting yourself in the line of fire.

The Christian Journey: Into the Light

Job 12:22: "He uncovers deep things out of darkness

And brings the shadow of death to light." 

[ Please click on picture to view it full size!! :) ]

Psalm 18:28: "For You will light my lamp, 

The Lord my God will enlighten my darkness." 

Psalm 90:8: "You have set our iniquities before You, 

Our secret sins in the light of Your countenance." 

Is There No Balm in Gilead?

God has blessed us with every heavenly blessing, and He Himself is life and joy and healing. Yet, so many of his people are hurting, hanging on, and tired. Why is this?  We read the same question asked in Jeremiah:

"For the hurt of the daughter of my people I am hurt.
I am mourning;
Astonishment has taken hold of me.

Is there no balm in Gilead,
Is there no physician there?
Why then is there no recovery
For the health of the daughter of my people?" - Jer. 8:21-22

Now, of course, there IS balm in Gilead, so to speak. The issue does not lie with a lack of medicine. God loves to give good gifts and showers us with everything that we need.



















As humans, we are designed with needs. Lots of needs. We have spiritual needs, physical needs, and even emotional needs (recall, before the fall, God said that it was not good for man to be alone). Yet, many times we want to rise above this calling, and want to assure ourselves, "I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing."

Yet humans are needy by nature. When God Himself took on human flesh, He took on human needs as well. And He embraced that neediness! He was on His knees before the Father each morning. For 40 days, He also fasted.  Fasting makes our body remember all of it's physical needs, and it brings us sometimes grumpiness and the feeling of physical desperation. Fasting reminds us of our own neediness.

Those who aren't cool with neediness pursue the path of selflessness with fervor. They don't complain, they are tough. They don't ask for things, and besides, they can handle it! It's very much against their way of life to accept help from anyone. Jesus Himself addressed people like this by saying that the well have no need for a physician - He didn't specifically mention that they need Him, but He pointed out that they would not be able to benefit from His presence as long as they were in the category of "the well who don't need things."

Yet as Christians, we want to be the cool Christians. The Christian with our act together. We don't want our flaws or needs or wants spilling out to where people can see them. We want to be a "good example" for others, and by "good example," we mean "got our act together." Yet sometimes that motivates us to cut ourselves off from additional grace and blessings that are always available to us, because of God's rich generousness.

[Please click on picture to view it full size, so that you can read the dialogue]

Hope for Our Hurting World

I've heard people say, "I don't know how so-and-so can suffer through that pain without Christ." What is meant is that the person does not have a living relationship with God through Christ, yet is bearing much pain on his or her own. This admission comes from a heart that has suffered, a heart that has found comfort from God during a stint of emotional and/or psychological pain. The believer has "the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation" to rely upon during distressing times (2 Cor. 1:3 NRSV).

Sadly, often even believers neglect to rely upon the God of all comfort, feeling that God should not be bothered with their pain.

But our God encourages us to invite Him into our pain. He longs for us to look to Him for consolation "in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God" (2 Cor. 1:4 NRSV). How shall we ever help others receive God's consolation if we neglect it ourselves?

We also try too hard to deflect our pain, hoping instead for immediate gratification, or a quick-fix recovery. There are no quick-fix recoveries. Recovery takes time, patience, hard work and tenacity; and no one can do the hard work for us: either we apply ourselves to the work or we degenerate. We have also lost the art of healthy and godly grieving. Henri Nouwen explains: 

The hardships we all endure require more than words, of course, even spiritual words. Eloquent phrases cannot soothe our deep pain. But we do find something to lead and guide us through. We hear an invitation to allow our mourning to become a place of healing, and our sadness a way through pain to dancing. Who is it Jesus said would be blessed? "Those who mourn" (Matt. 5:4).¹ 

We, as believers in and followers of Christ, may not "grieve as others do who have no hope" (1 Thess. 4:13), but we do grieve, nonetheless. The "American way" has historically been to "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps," keeping a "stiff upper lip," for "God helps those who help themselves." The Bible contradicts this false way. We are helpless and, hence, cannot pull ourselves up. We need God to pull us up. Our upper lip should not remain stiff but pliable in asking God for help. God does not help those who help themselves, but only helps those who cannot help themselves, lest we think that He is the one who needs our help. Again, Nouwen writes:    

We learn to look fully into our losses [grieving our losses], not evade them. By greeting life's pains with something other than denial we may find something unexpected. By inviting God into our difficulties we ground life -- even its sad moments -- in joy and hope. When we stop grasping our lives we can finally be given more than we could ever grab for ourselves. And we learn the way to a deeper love for others.²

Peter commanded us to cast all our anxieties and worries and cares upon God because He cares for us (1 Pet. 5:7). "Cast your burden on the LORD," writes the Psalmist, "and he will sustain you" (Ps. 55:22). When we carry what we were never meant to carry, we become an emotional danger to ourselves, as well as to those around us. This is why one often hears a believer confess to his or her perplexity of a non-believer enduring suffering apart from Christ. Pain and suffering are difficult to bear with Him, let alone without Him. Jesus is the only hope for our hurting world. Many have walked away from the faith by neglecting to rely upon the only hope for our hurting world.
     

__________ 

¹ Henri J.M. Nouwen, Turning My Mourning into Dancing: Finding Hope in Hard Times (Nashville: W Publishing Group, 2001), xv.

² Ibid. 

Written by William Birch, reposted with permission.